I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
