i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
