We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
