your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
