you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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