have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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