On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
