I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My balls are so social today.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
