your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
