This girl is more easily done than said...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
