Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize