so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
