My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
