Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
