Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
