I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He felt like a one man threesome
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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