It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
