He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
PANTIES FOUND
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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