Define "chronic" masturbator.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
