Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
