Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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