The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
