Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
