I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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