Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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