this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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