sarcasm needs its own font
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
