She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
