arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize