Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
