ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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