i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
