Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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