hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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