I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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