I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
