The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
