what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
