We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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