Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
