That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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