I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
