It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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