I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
