I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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