She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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