She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
