I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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