What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize