My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
