bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
