Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
