Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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