shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
