oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
