He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
