I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
