On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
