dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
