then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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