i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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