..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
