the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
