cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize