This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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