would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
