singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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