we're chasing vodka with high fives
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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