I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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