After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
