the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My balls are so social today.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
