she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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