my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
