Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
