He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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