then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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