guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
