in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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