I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize