At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
