So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
