i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
