Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
