I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Two words: blizzard sex
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize