We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
