her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
