"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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