a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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