I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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