none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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