bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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