don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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