i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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