if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
