Dual....:-)
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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