Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
