Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
