ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
