did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
