I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When did angry sex become our thing?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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