drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
