I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
