He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
